Thornton Melon 2: December 2005

why you got nothing for Christmas

dislike those automated phone prompts, try this thanks sdot

Caption Ru Diggity

Example

world of sand

WOW, just WOW listen to these 911 calls

the ultimate showdown

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas, Hannukah , Kwanzaa or whatever else you celebrate.

find some music here

There's about 300 million people in the United States. What if you got every one of them to give you just one buck?

Why brass knuckles?

I would be terrified if I had to be an employee of Will Ferrel.

use the diaphragm to ward off the sperm

Car vs Boat vs Bike

hippo with noodles

Sklar brothers rule, how to clean up WWE

Sports By Brooks. enough said, go visit

A 37-year-old man was charged with child endangerment after one of two toddlers he was baby-sitting was found drunk, authorities said.

I remember people getting their pets high but this is even more fucked up

rooftop rollercoaster

ninja shoes

Austria pissed, see photo below after reading story

Example

Illegal: Alcohol Vaporizing Machines

Here is an AWOL machine

Today is December 21, 2005 and for all of next year, I will not shave my beard

After a fake craps dice prank on Thad during Haasfest 2004 was so successful, we had to come up with something for Haasfest 2005 that would top it. The idea was to pre-record a Texas Lotto drawing and a save it on the TIVO. We bought a lottery ticket with the numbers to match that pre-recorded lottery drawing.

The day of Haasfest, we asked Thad stop on his way over and buy a couple Lotto tickets. At some point in the night, we swapped the tickets he had bought with the fake tickets. If you ever wanted to know what it felt like to win the lottery, just watch

Retired soldier Bill Roggio was a computer technician living in New Jersey less than two months ago when a Marine officer half a world away made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Frustrated by the coverage they were receiving from the news media, the Marines invited Roggio, 35, who writes a popular Web log about the military called "The Fourth Rail", to come cover the war from the front lines.

250 pounds of Silly Putty

How to drink vodka and stay sober

Testing the turnpike

Film makers and record companies are outraged by a parliamentary vote to make France the first country in the world to legalise the online sharing of movies and music.

scare tactics

the licking machine

Save Manny

celebrity cariactures

real life dolls

smash gamecube

Osbournes Faked

teatherball to the face

dunkfest

Captain Morgan bong

pregame brawl

rough night

If I don't post before, Happy 2006

Example

I keep talking about this site "The Superficial"

Bonus blogging today. My water line busted outside my house today, so I am home waiting for a plumber to get here.

Deadspin, great sports site

Fire Joe Morgan

Canadians can have group sex in clubs: top court

I'm moving to Canada

KOTG would want these kids tasered

The Janet Jackson defense

Damn you Damon

Not a Red SOx fan, but he was the face of the team, I guess money can buy everything

The future of boozing

Man Sues AOL Saying He Was Humiliated In Chat Room

This wasn't WVUpablo was it?

Police called to convince German lottery winner

"I did it."

Blake Ranking was a Eustis High School senior and still aching from a horrible crash three days earlier when he posted those words on blurty .com, a site for Web logs.

Guess what, kids? There’s no such thing as Santa Claus!
That was a suburban music teacher’s holiday message earlier this week to first-graders. The remark angered parents and prompted the school district to issue a pro-Santa statement, KDFW-TV reported.

Reese Witherspoon celebrity boobie flash

Sometimes Santa break in yo house and leave treats...and sometime he leaves more. Okaaaay!!! Leave me a voicemail and tell me what you think of it: 1-877-506-3403

Fourth-Graders Arrested For Making Counterfeit Money

He's adored for his arrest record, love of the bottle

Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busier than shit recently. Enjoy a boatload of links below.

Stalin's half-man, half-ape super-warriors

Bad Santas

The chappelle theory

BRAD PITT GETS KIDNAPPED

Jingle Bells in reverse

CHRISTMAS LIGHT SHOW PART 3

porn-a-like quiz

extreme drinkmasters

Davinci Code trailer

Passion of the Benny Hill

wonder if this guy got fired

Grow: The X-Mas version

Bikini calculus

kahsoon, some good stuff over here

internet dating on a slow connection

really low altitude flying

Ali G going to a porn convention

500-Pound Man Accused Of Fast-Food Scam

Lazy Sunday: The Chronicles of Narnia rap

My Space prank

Happy Kwanzaa

Ultimate Warrior

Magic tricks

Student's striptease posted online

the above link is worthless without pictures

streaker: the game

Conan: at the movies

Phone Rapist

Ali G's alter ego isn't very welcome in the State of Alabama

The Crips

Mule Runs Over Reporter

what a sissy, watch this wrestling fan cry

Bobby Knight

here is some Alba for you Frog

Fuck You Metro Traffic Report

test your reflexes

Alizee compilation

This guy does insane tricks with basketballs.

GO RAIDERS

what kind of weird ass Japanese show is this

Old Lady Pwnz Mercedes Guy

Born again Ass-Kicker Featureing Rampage Jackson MMA Price FC UFC (Takuma)

Bendy Woman

Sarah Silverman: Give the Jew Girl Toys

New Wool Sweater

Stomp: Kitchen

Will Ferrell as Harry Caray: 97 in Review

Wonder Showzen: Clarence in Harlem

Dennis Leary: Asshole Video

Dennis Leary: Asshole PSA

Dennis Leary: Asshole in Halo

Police Squad: The Survivor Interview

Big Box Mart

Colon Blow

Ugly Christmas lights

Buy My Football Fan Loyalty, I'm tired of the TN Vols.

On the same day, half of our nation's editorial cartoonists
drew the remarkably similar representations of the
World Trade Center disaster.

As it were, a woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months... yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, he opened his eyes and motioned for her to come nearer. She pulled closer and leaned forward to better hear his raspy whisper.His eyes full of tears, he said,
"You know what? You have been steadfastly with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.When the boat capsized, you were close at hand.When I got shot, you were by my side.When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side; and you know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

I think you're bad luck, get the fuck away from me.

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde
already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile,
and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank
Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'

A Christmas Story
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season